Forward to Victory
by JamietheBastard
Summary: A Steampunk, alternate universe prequel of sorts to Iron Sky. Space Nazis, Heroic men of action, Space battles. An epic Sci Fi/Fantasy version of our Solar System as it never was: Long extinct advanced Martian civilisations, Colonies on Venus, The hard men and women who work the Mercury Vacuum mines, courageous space commandos, Samurai battlemechs, robot S.S. shock troops, Satire.
1. Chapter 1

London: 1856.

A team of physicists at The Sir Isaac Newton Academy of Physical Sciences, led by the brilliant Dr. Ingmar Angstrom, discover the Gravitron Wave Effect. This new addition to the laws of physics, ties quantum mechanics, chaos theory and relatavistic physics into a nice neat little package and promptly throws it out the nearest window. (The renowned German physicist Alva Einstein is reportedly not amused). The eminent British scientists prove the existence of infinite parallel realities, build themselves a rather elegant, shiny new Dimensional Displacement Device and promptly bugger off to a much nicer universe.

London: 1859.

A slightly less brilliant (though much more handsome) physicist, Dr. Bodlington Hedley-Smythe, with the assistance of his cyborg colleague, Dr. Stephanie Hawkings (who was terribly injured in the Hindenburg Stratocraft Disaster of 1854) recreates Dr. Angstrom's research and they invent the Gravitron Wave Engine. Humanity colonise the Solar System. Ancient ruins are discovered on Mars and Venus, giant Cities filled with arcane machinery, built by an advanced civilisation, now ruined and long deserted. The only life that remain on these worlds are a primitive race of Reptilian/Humanoid semi nomadic hunter/gatherers. The species of the two worlds are related, the only difference between them is that the indigenous Martians are red and the indigenous Venusians are green. The Terran Democratic Defence Alliance controls Earth, Venus and the Mercury Vacuum Mines. In alliance with the Union of Soviet Socialist Lunar Workers Paradise, they have firm control of the inner solar system and a small outpost on Mars: Port Bradbury. The United Nationalist Socialist Party have control of most of Mars, and their allies, The Eternal Empire of The Rising Sun have colonised the Asteroid Belt and are in league with the Pirate Clans who also have hidden bases in The Belt. Territorial disputes inevitably arise between the colonising superpowers, and The Treaty of New Berlin in 1897 cedes the territory of Mars to the Fourth Reich. The Terran Democratic Defence Alliance abandons Its Martian outpost and an uneasy state of cold war grips the divided solar system for the next twenty years.

The Solar System: 1917: The Present.

Enter the hero of our story: Captain Kip Harrington, Queens 21st Lancers. Adventurer, Fearless Space Commando, Galactic Explorer (well? who hasn't "padded" their c.v. a bit?), Protector of Women and Children, Scourge of Bullies, Rogues and Small Furry Animals, and all round Jolly Good Chap. A square jawed, barrel chested, Man of Action. He cuts a dashing figure in his combat spacesuit, Sub - Etheric Positron Disruptor pistol at the ready, His intrepid squad of Space Commandos eager and willing to dispense hot plasma death and unleash the full might of Terran Democratic righteous indignation upon the vile, baby eating, fascist hordes from Mars. (Disclaimer: Not all vile, fascist hordes eat babies).

During the state of Cold War the U.N.S.P. and their allies have been building their military strength and planning their strategy. Launching their invasion fleet in a sneak attack from the far side of the Sun, they have taken control of the Mercury Vacuum Mines and are laying siege to Venus, which has been cut off from Terra and Luna by a blockade of Pirate ships. Solar System War One has begun. A cowardly sneak attack, disrupting the noble efforts of the benevolent T.D.D.A. to bring Civilisation and Democracy to the native Venusian savages. The situation looks grim for the Venusian colony. Captain Harrington is tasked with the mission of infiltrating the invasion fleet and assasinating the Cyberfuhrer by destroying the Nazi Command Ship Valkyrie, whilst a reinforcement fleet smashes through the pirate blockade. A suicide mission? Not for our courageous hero and his team. All in a day's work for Space Commando 1st Class Kip Harrington, vanquish the Nazi scum and be home in time for tea, scones and a nice chat with the Vicar.

OPEN ON:

A wrekage strewn battlefield on Venus. Steampunk versions of World War One tanks rumble over the trenches, Gravitron cannons decimating Allied positions. In the far distance massive Nazi Zeppelins drop Gravitron Bombs on Allied cities. Clanking Battlemechs vaguely Samurai in appearance, stride the battlefield, chain guns cutting bloody swathes through Allied troops. Gleaming black and chrome Elite S.S. Robot Shock Troops advance in unstoppable waves. From high up in the atmosphere screaming Kamikaze rocket bombs take out Allied bunkers.

CLOSE UP ON:

A stream of brilliant green plasma fire reflected in two round glass mirrors.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL:

A steampunk gas masked Nazi trooper, iconic helmet, black leather trenchcoat spacesuit, wielding a Plasma Burner spewing green death. He slowly turns toward camera and green flame engulfs the screen.

CUT TO:

CLOSE UP ON:

A section of brick wall still stands amongst the rubble. Stuck to the crumbling brickwork is a tattered recruitment poster that reads:

FORWARD TO VICTORY!

THE TERRAN DEMOCRATIC DEFENCE ALLIANCE NEEDS YOU!

JOIN THE GLORIOUS STRUGGLE TO RECLAIM OUR SOLAR SYSTEM FROM THE FORCES OF EVIL!

An image of an Elite T.D.D.A. trooper in a dramatic pose, Sub - Etheric Positron Disruptor Pistol held menacingly, a Nazi trooper portrayed as a subhuman, baby eating beast, drooling slime, about to get the pointy end of a Positron Disruptor Beam to the face.

DO YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY! ENLIST TODAY! FOR THE GLORY AND HONOUR OF TERRA! JOIN THE FIGHT!

CUT TO:

INT. PUTINGRAD - LUNA - MILITARY BASE.

Captain Harrington and his team are relaxing in the barracks before their mission. Some are checking their weapons and hardware are in tip top shape. Private Carruthers is writing a letter to his sweetheart back on Terra, Sergeant McMurphy is polishing his gleaming Positron Disruptor rifle, Private Harris is throwing darts at a dart board on which he has pinned a photo of the Cyberfuhrer, Chaplain Whitesands is having a really nice cup of tea. At that moment Captain Harrington's batman Alby enters the barracks assigned to the team, accompanied by General Novotny the commander of the base. The squad of commandos spring to attention and salute the General.

GENERAL NOVOTNY.

 _Da, Da, at ease men. Your ship is nearly ready for departure. Now we toast to your mission and it's success._

The General produces a bottle of Vodka and pours each man a shot in their tin mugs. The General seems as if he has already toasted the success of the mission many times over. His eyes are bloodshot, his speech is slurred and he stinks of Vodka.

GENERAL NOVOTNY.

 _May you defeat the Fascist pigs and their Imperialist lackeys. Dosvedanya Comrades._

The squad raise their mugs for the toast and knock back the vodka.

ALBY.

 _Captain, your kit is all ready for you sir._

HARRINGTON.

 _Good show old man, keep the home fires burning. Though not too close to this Russian chappie here._

General Novotny has now passed out and is snoring and mumbling in Russian.

HARRINGTON.

 _Alright men, suit up. Let's give the Hun a bloody good thrashing, we'll show these damned Nazis what Terra's finest are capable of. Synchronise watches men, we take off at 0800 hours. For Queen and Terra we fight, for God and Empire we die. Squad Dismissed._

HARRINGTON'S SQUAD. (In unison)

 _For Queen and Terra we fight, for God and Empire we die._

GENERAL NOVOTNY.

 _Uuuuurrrrrp._

The squad leave to get suited up for the mission.


	2. Chapter 2

Africa: 1884.

The noted Chimpanzee researcher Dr. James Goodall's experiments into ape intelligence and genetic modification leads to the conception of Caesarion, a Chimp with an intellect equal to a human being. A race of intelligent apes evolve. They elect to leave Earth and colonize Jupiter's jungle moon Europa (commonly known throughout the system as the Planet of the Apes). By the time of Solar System War One the apes have instituted a policy of strict neutrality, even though their colony's isolated location on the frontier of the inhabited solar system, cut off from the inner system by the hostile colonies of the Asteroid Belt and Mars, leaves them vulnerable to invasion. Caesarion's philosophy of peace: Man kills Man, Ape does not kill Ape, prohibits him morally from entering the conflict.

The Present.

INT. UNITED NATIONS SECURITY COUNCIL - NEW YORK CITY.

BRITISH DELEGATE.

 _I call on the delegate from the Planet of the Apes to explain his nation's insistence on remaining neutral in a conflict that is of vital strategic importance in ensuring his colony's continuing independence._

CUT TO:

CLOSE UP ON:

The British delegate as he awaits the translation and response.

Suddenly he is hit square in the face with a handful of chimpanzee poo. He tries to maintain his dignified composure as dripping gobs of ape shit spatter his exquisitely tailored £5000 Saville Row suit.

CUT TO:

Caesarion, hooting and screeching as he jumps up and down in his seat.

Business as usual at the U.N.

CUT TO:

INT. LUNA - PUTINGRAD MILITARY BASE - LAUNCH BAY

The solid concrete launch bunker is festooned with pipes, conduits and fuel feed lines. The bay is a hive of scurrying activity. Soviet technicians are unhooking fuel lines, closing maintenance access hatches and prepping the captured Nazi scout ship for launch.

Captain Harrington's squad are lined up in front of the gleaming black and chrome scouter. As usual his team is standing rigidly at perfect textbook parade attention, their weapons are immacutely clean and held in perfect perpendicular alignment, not one is even a micro millimeter off required parade precision. The Captain walks along his squad inspecting his team of consummate professional killers.

HARRINGTON.

 _Outstanding, men. As usual you are a credit to the_ _honour_ _of the Regiment. Sound Off._

HARRINGTON'S SQUAD. (one by one)

 _SERGEANT RENDELL McMURPHY, SIR…CORPORAL "BEANO" BAGGINS, SIR…PRIVATE "SPARKS" HARRIS, SIR…...PRIVATE "SHAGGER" CARRUTHERS, SIR…PRIVATE "GUNNER" THOMPSON, SIR…PRIVATE "SPUDS" O'SHAUGHNESSY, SIR…CHAPLAIN "STONE KILLER" WHITESANDS, SIR._

SERGEANT McMURPHY.

 _ALL PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR, SIR._

HARRINGTON.

 _Mount up and stow weapons, dismissed._

The team file aboard the scout ship and begin stowing their equipment.

CUT TO:

INT. LUNA - PUTINGRAD MILITARY BASE - LAUNCH BAY - CONTROL ROOM.

TECHNICIAN.

 _Comrade Colonel Strelnikov, the ground crew are being report the ship is ready for launch._

Comrade Strelnikov picks up the Bakelite radio microphone.

COLONEL STRELNIKOV.

 _Comrade Harrington you are have being cleared for launch. Good luck on being for your mission successful, Da?_

HARRINGTON V.O.

 _Roger old chap, Ok lads let's get this mission underway then shall we?_

CUT TO:

COSE UP ON:

The Sleek Nazi scout craft. The engines erupt into life, belching hellfire into the concrete launch pit. The ship is ejaculated into space and rapidly dwindles into the eternal black night of the void.

America: 1777.

The American revolutionaries are defeated by the British. George Washington and the Sons of Liberty are hung as traitors. The Commonwealth States of America are formed. In 1812 the Southern States rise up in the War of Secession. After 3 years of bloody conflict, the British grant the South independence. After many more years of civil war between those factions in dispute over what to name the new nation state, the supporters of the Republic of Texas are victorious over the supporters of the Republic of Florida, and so The Republic of Texas is born. The Texans have nothing but contempt for the cowardly Yankees up North. The Republic of Texas remains neutral after the outbreak of Solar System War One. To quote Governor Busch: "We don't got no beef with them Nazzi fellers down hereyuh in Texas, boy."

The Present.

INT. THE HOUSE OF LORDS - WHITEHALL - LONDON.

Benjamin Disraeli - Geers is in private conference with Abraham Lincoln - Parke, the Governor of the Commonwealth States of America.

DISRAELI - GEERS.

 _I've received a report from MI5 on the growing anti – war movement that has formed alongside this new musical fad Rock and Roll. The musicians sing songs criticising the government and they are forming organised resistance groups._

He picks up the report from his desk and leafs through the pages.

DISRAELI - GEERS.

 _These are the groups that have been investigated so far, they have all been put on the Departments list of known subversives. The Insects, The Revolving Rocks, The What, Steel Airship, Slack Mammoth, Shallow Pink, Purple Fergus, The Erotic Rifles. We have to nip this thing in the bud, before it becomes a real problem, so I have just signed an executive order outlawing this subversive threat. Composing and performing this music is an act of treason whilst we are at war and anyone caught doing so will be put to death._

LINCOLN - PARKE.

 _We have had some problems in Seattle and Detroit with these so called musicians, once we execute a few of them I don't think we'll have any more trouble._

DISRAELI - GEERS.

 _Now, on to the main business at hand. I have just received the report from MI6 agent 077. He has intercepted the Axis intelligence plans. The next stage after they have taken Venus is the invasion of Terra and Luna, The Nazi's will attack the moon and the Japanese are set to strike earth. The Japanese plan is to attack the Republic of Texas Orbital Navy Dockyards at The Pearl Harbor Lagrange point._

LINCOLN - PARKE.

 _You are going to forward this intelligence to the Texans?_

DISRAELI - GEERS.

 _No. If Captain Harrington's mission is a success, the Nazi's will be defeated and they will no longer be a threat. In the event that Harrington fails, the attack on Pearl Harbor will be the catalyst that brings the Texans into this war. If Terra and Luna are threatened with invasion, they stand with the rest of us. I have also sent Ambassador Machiavellieu to Europa to negotiate with Caesarion's Government, if Terra and Luna fall they will be next. Caesarion will be compelled to enter the conflict to save his own flea - bitten hide._

LINCOLN - PARKE.

 _Do you think Harrington will succeed?_

DISRAELI - GEERS.

 _If anyone can, it will be Harrington. The man is an insufferable boor, but his military skills are second to none. That concludes affairs of state for today, I've laid on some "entertainment" before you return to New York._

He picks up the telephone from his desk, puts the earpiece to his ear and speaks into the receiver briefly.

CUT TO:

The Office door opens and in files a Man in a Gimp costume, 2 sheep, a male dwarf in stockings, suspenders, bra and crotchless panties, a leather clad dominatrix wearing an enormous strap on dildo, brandishing a spanking board covered in sharp metal studs, and two elderly Peers of the Realm.

Disraeli - Geers removes a package from a desk drawer and pours out a generous helping of the white powder it contains and proceeds to chop it into lines. Lincoln - Parke hoovers up a big line of the pharmaceutical grade cocaine from the desk with his rather prominent nose.

CUT TO:

INT. THE HOUSE OF LORDS - WHITEHALL - CORRIDOR OUTSIDE DISRAELI - GEERS OFFICE.

Through the closed door muffled sounds are heard. A sheep is baaing loudly. A female voice says _"Drop your panties and bend over Sir William, you've been a very naughty boy_."

The two guardsmen outside the door stare ahead impassively.

Mars 1914.

The U.N.S.P. discover vast Uranium 90 deposits, unfortunately it is in the main Hunting/Gathering territory of a tribe of indigenous Martians. The Nazi's give the tribe blankets infected with a computer virus. The effect of the virus on the Martians is devastating, their brains perform ever more complex mathematical equations until they no longer have the ability to hunt, feed themselves or wipe their bottoms. The equations get more and more complex until their brains explode with mathematical overload.

Venus 1916.

The Allies encounter similar problems, though they develop a more humane approach to the solution. T.D.D.A. scientists institute the A.V.I.R.T.A.R. Program: Advanced Venusian Infiltration Replication Transference Area Relocation. They first prepared a native Venusian by chemically lobotomising him, then flushing out his mind with a mental enema. Using a specially modified Tesla Boson Resonance Chamber, chain linked to ten Gravitron Wave Frequency Oscillators, they downloaded the consciousness of a paraplegic space commando James Solly into the indigenous Venusian's mindless body. After the success of this first A.V.I.R.T.A.R. transfer, they have downloaded many more crippled soldiers minds into Venusian host bodies. Their mission is to infiltrate native tribes and manipulate them to abandon areas rich in natural resources, even though these lands were bequeathed to them in perpetuity by Treaty.


	3. Chapter 3

Occupied Germany 1915.

Private "Sparks" Harris whilst on a 3 day leave in Hamburg is sitting in a bar on the Reeperbahn watching a new English musical act: The Insects and their support act a young soldier from the American colonies: Elvin Presly. Harris intervenes when a drunken patron harrases a waitress, and they begin a romantic liaison. Little does he suspect the waitress fraulein Ava Braun, is in actuality a Nazi spy. Unable to gain any useful intelligence from the British soldier, she amuses herself by teaching Harris to speak German, although all she really teaches him are insulting phrases. Harris is puzzled by the fact that whenever he uses his German language skills, people seem to be very offended, but he puts this down to his British accent.

The Present.

EXT. SPACE - THE PIRATE BLOCKADE.

The captured Nazi scout ship hangs in space before an enormous Pirate warship.

CUT TO:

INT. NAZI SCOUT SHIP.

Private "Sparks" Harris is sitting at the Radio operators console when the transmission comes through.

NAZI - PIRATE LIAISON OFFICER. V.O.

 _Dies ist S.S. Oberst Gunter Hauptmann, identifizieren sie Ihr Schiff und ihre Mission._

 _(This is S.S. Colonel Gunter Hauptmann, identify your ship and mission.)_

HARRINGTON.

 _Tell the Nazi rogue we are on an important mission and have vital intelligence for the Cyberfuhrer._

"SPARKS" HARRIS.

 _Ihre Mutter nimmt Nagetier Scheise auf einem niedrigen Mieten Bordell in Hamburg._

 _(Your Mother ingests rodent shit at a low rent Brothel in Hamburg.)_

OBERST HAUPTMANN. V.O.

 _Was? wer ist das?_ _Ihr Name, Rang und S.S. nummer, sofort._

 _(What? Who is this? your name, rank and S.S. number, Immediately.)_

"SPARKS" HARRIS.

 _Mai a transvestit Volkswagen durchfuhren oralen sex auf ihrem verruckten Goldfisch._

 _(May a transvestite Volkswagen perform oral sex on your demented goldfish.)_

Oberst Hauptmann is now choking and spluttering with anger.

OBERST HAUPTMANN. V.O.

 _Sie frech Schwein, identifizieren sie sich oder ich haben sie erschossen._

 _(You insolent pig, identify yourself or I will have you shot.)_

"SPARKS" HARRIS.

 _Legen sie eine Batterie betriebene sexuelle gerat in die Offnung Ihrer Wahl._

 _(Insert a battery powered sexual device into the orifice of your choice.)_

Oberst Hauptmann is now incoherent with rage.

HARRINGTON.

 _What's the Jerry bastard saying Sparks?_

"SPARKS" HARRIS.

 _It's hard to make out Sir, his German is very bad._

PIRATE CAPTAIN. V.O.

 _This is Cap'n Black Sparrer of the Defiant, heave to ya swabs and prepare to be boarded._

HARRINGTON.

 _Crumbs, that's torn it. Sergeant McMurphy engines to full steam ahead, we're going to have to punch through, hang on men._

CUT TO:

EXT. SPACE - PIRATE BLOCKADE.

The Scout ship accelerates rapidly away from The Defiant. The Pirate ship launches a volley of Gravitron torpedoes, which home in on the scout ship. The fast ship outruns all the torpedoes but one. McMurphy is throwing the ship around violently trying to shake the torpedo but to no avail. It explodes and the small ship is battered by the shockwave, Sirens and alarms are screaming, red lights blink on and off all over the pilot's console.

McMURPHY.

 _We're hit Captain, we've lost two engines, we're going down._

The scout ship is spiralling in towards Venus, out of control.

EXT. VENUS - JUNGLE - DAY.

The scout ship is vomited out of the sky. It hits the jungle and tears a swathe through the Venusian foliage until it finally comes to rest, the ship's nose cone is dug deep into the festering detritus of decaying vegetation. The ship is battered and smoking, yet amazingly still intact.

Austria 1889.

An unscrupulous geneticist Dr. Victoria Frankenstein uses Dr. Goodall's genetic modification techniques in experiments on a variety of different animals, creating intelligent humanoid/animal hybrids. Genetic enhancement is outlawed by the United Nations under pressure from The Catholic church. Dr. Frankenstein is arrested and most of the Animoids are sent to live on naturalist Dr. Brandon Moreau's Island Wildlife Sanctuary, though some have integrated into human society.

Commonwealth States of America. 1896.

Electrical Engineer Alvin Edisson challenges his arch rival Nicolas Tesla to a duel. Edisson loses the duel and is slain by Tesla. Tesla's experiments with Positron technology, lead to a major breakthrough and he invents the Positron Wave Impeller Engine, Intergalactic faster than light travel is now possible and an experimental F.T.L. ship The Advent Skyline is launched on a journey of 50 000 light years. Minutes later the ship reappears at the Jupiter Research Facility. Investigators discover the crew dead, all horribly mutilated. Intense investigation finally reveals the cause: Even though the Foldspace jump is objectively nearly instantaneous, the researchers discover that for the ship's crew inside the Positron Wave Field, subjectively the jump takes decades to complete. The crew went insane and butchered each other as the only form of entertainment they had on board was a Video Cassette recording of Keeping Up With the Cardassians, a Telescreen show featuring a family of genetically modified, surgically enhanced, intellectually challenged, self obsessed, narcissistic, reptilian humanoids. Intergalactic travel is put on hold until the researchers can overcome the time dilation effect.


	4. Chapter 4

The Present.

EXT. LONDON - AERIAL VIEW.

The ornate Victorian architecture of the modern era is laid out before us in all it's technological glory. The Tesla Negatronic Anti Grav towers supporting London Bridge, Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Square with it's holographic Lions to scare off the Robo - Pigeons, Red Double Decker Anti Grav busses, The Big Ben Atomic Clock, massive Zeppelins floating majestically through the sky on their Anti Grav repellers, Buckingham Palace guarded by the impassive, red uniformed Space Marines, thundering Stratocraft landing at Heathrow Spaceport. It is the beating heart of a mighty Empire.

London. 1863.

Biological weapons researcher Dr. Henry Jekyll creates a virus that reanimates the recently deceased and turns them into flesh hungry cannibals. The virus escapes the laboratory and London is ravaged by an epidemic. Queen Victoria is infected and eats a few Lords, Ladies, Peers of the Realm and a politician or two. The army manages to contain the zombie threat before it can escalate to unmanageable levels, and researchers discover a vaccine for the virus (which is known as Partially Deceased Syndrome or P.D.S.) which restores normal brain function and suppresses the craving for human flesh. The "Walkers" or P.D.S. sufferers (the more politically correct term) are reintegrated into society and as long as they are medicated daily, pose no danger. Their skin is dead and grey and their eyes appear inhuman, so P.D.S. sufferers must wear flesh coloured make up and contact lenses. The upside of the disease is that the sufferers already being dead are now really, really hard to kill, only violent brain injury will stop them. The Army put on a big recruiting drive aimed at P.D.S. sufferers.

London. 1916.

INT. QUEEN VICTORIA'S BOUDOIR - BUCKINGHAM PALACE - LONDON.

The Queen, dead grey skin and inhuman eyes, is being administered the P.D.S. vaccine by her personal physician Dr. Hannibal Lecter. The Queen is idly flicking through channels on her Telescreen using the Remote Switching Device.

TELESCREEN. V.O.

 _(Singing) He lives in a Coconut under the sea, Spongebill Squarebritches...CLICK(More singing) Bob the house assembler, can he repair it? Yes he can...CLICK(Announcers voice) Tonight on Celebrity Big Brother we have six new housemates ready to compete for a 2 million pound prize. We have some new twists in store this season, when a contestant is voted off the show they are sent to Room 101 and horribly tortured. And now let's meet our Celebrities, first up It's George Orwell...(The audience applaud and cheer as each celebrity is announced), Lara Croft..., Jack the Ripper..., Elizabeth Bathory..., Superman..., and last but not least, Margaret Thatcher CLICK (the screen goes black)._

QUEEN VICTORIA.

 _One wishes that one had eaten her when one had the chance. One is most assuredly not amused, one believed that Coronation Street would be on._

DR. LECTER.

 _All done Your Majesty, it is nearly time for your audience with the Prime Minister, Mr. Holmes and Dr. Watson._

QUEEN VICTORIA.

 _Send in one's make up lady, would you Hannibal my dear?_

Dr. Lecter bows and leaves the ornate boudoir.

Van Diemen's Land. 1748.

Captain James. T. Cook, commander of the warship Enterprise discovers a land he names Australia. Originally a British penal colony, the Australians revolted in the War of Independence in 1835. The revolutionaries defeated the British in 1839 and Australia was declared a Republic. The Australian monarchists who supported the Crown during the war were all executed as traitors. In 1876 The Republic of Australia joined the Terran Democratic Defence Alliance, and has commited troops and ships to the conflict now raging in the solar system.

EXT. VENUS - JUNGLE - SCOUT SHIP CRASH SITE - DAY.

Harrington's squad are retrieving their equipment and weapons from the crashed ship. Harrington is studying a map of Venus and occasionally checking his compass.

HARRINGTON.

 _Well we're in a right old pickle lads, stranded in the jungle 600 kilometers away from the nearest spaceport, is there any chance you can get that crate flying again Spuds?_

"SPUDS" O'SHAUGHNESSY.

 _She's pretty beaten up Sir, even if I could she's lost two engines, we'd never get back into orbit on one engine._

Suddenly the squad is surrounded. Armed, camouflaged men seem to appear magically out of the jungle.

AUSSIE COMMANDO.

 _OK cobbers, drop those guns and put your hands in the air. Hande Hoch, you Nazi jokers, Hande Hoch, Sprechen ze English Fritz? Hands up._

HARRINGTON.

 _I say old chap, you seem to have got the wrong end of the stick, we're not Nazis._

AUSSIE COMMANDO.

 _Don't come the raw prawn with me sport. If that's not a Kraut scout ship, I'll eat a dead dingo's donger. They'll shoot you as a spy Fritz._

HARRINGTON.

 _Actually my good man, the name's Harrington, Captain, Queens 21st Lancers._

AUSSIE COMMANDO.

 _Yeah mate, and I'm bloody Dame Edna. Pull the other one sport, it's got bells on it._

HARRINGTON.

 _"These pretzels are making me thirsty"_

AUSSIE COMMANDO.

 _"Go ahead punk make my day"_

HARRINGTON.

 _"I'm not the Messiah, I'm a very naughty boy"_

The Aussie soldier immediately snaps to attention and salutes Harrington.

AUSSIE COMMANDO.

 _Sorry mate we thought you were kraut spies. Lieutenant "Digger" Minogue and my boys, S.A.S. We're on a mission up river to take out a Special Forces officer who has gone rogue, Colonel Walter Kurts. We took a detour when we saw your ship crash. It's okay boys these fellers are alright._

The S.A.S. patrol relax their weapons.

HARRINGTON

 _We're in a bit of a bind actually, we need to get back into orbit to complete our mission._

LIEUTENANT MINOGUE.

 _The 182_ _nd_ _. Air Cavalry patrol that brought us in is back through the jungle about 25 kilometers from here, I'm sure they could spare a ship to get you boys back on mission, one of our native guides will take you to it. Barnesy go get Bruce._

Barnesy runs off into the jungle

HARRINGTON.

 _That's jolly decent of you old chap._

Barnesy returns some five minutes later with the slim, two and a half metre tall reptilian native: T'ol'K'chok'H'zagx'G'blk'T'kunx'M'lagnzn'K'vlng, or Bruce as the Aussies have named him. Minogue communicates with Bruce using a complex sign language, the alien nods his assent, gestures for Harrington and his men to follow and moves out into the jungle.

LIEUTENANT MINOGUE.

 _Good luck on your mission Captain. OK boys let's move out._

The two squads move out into the Venusian Jungle.


	5. Chapter 5

Luna. 1901.

Russian engineers excavating chambers for the new Labor camp at Tycho unearth a rectangular black stone monolith. When one of the engineers touches the 4 metre tall stone, an intense radio transmission is triggered. Anyone standing close to the monolith has their brains scrambled to mush. SETI researchers at the radio dish in Arecibo detect identical signals emanating from Venus, Mars and also on Terra. The signals are beamed towards Jupiter, where a giant version of the black monolith is in orbit about the planet. Scientists at the Jupiter research facility begin the task of trying to translate the signal. In 1915 a signal is beamed back from the Jupiter relay to the Venusian, Lunar, Martian and Terran monoliths. Scientists at the Jupiter research facility begin the task of trying to translate the new signal (they're really not too good at this translating business).

Occupied Germany. 1916.

Existentialist author Franz Kafka has metamorphosised into a giant cockroach, existentialist philosopher Friederich Nietsche is transforming into a giant centipede. Authorities are concerned.

London. 1916.

INT. THE QUEEN'S AUDIENCE CHAMBER - BUCKINGHAM PALACE - LONDON.

The Queen is a regal figure seated on her ornately jewelled throne.

ROYAL USHER.

 _Your Majesty, The Prime Minister, Sir Sherlock Holmes and Doctor John Watson._

The three men approach the throne and one by one they bow to the Queen, take her hand and kiss the Royal appendage (Holmes unobtrusively wipes his mouth). The Queen gestures for a servant to bring chairs and another servant wheels in a cart with Teapot, cups and pastries and begins serving tea.

QUEEN VICTORIA.

 _Sit down gentlemen, this is an informal audience, make yourselves comfortable._

SERVANT.

 _One lump of cocaine or two for you Mr. Holmes?_

HOLMES.

 _Three, thank you my dear._

QUEEN VICTORIA.

 _Benjamin if you would be so kind as to explain the situation to Sir Sherlock and his esteemed companion._

DISRAELI - GEERS.

 _Well gentlemen, I've just received word from General Hasslehoffer in Berlin. It seems as though more of these existential philosopher chaps are turning into giant insects, the General is beginning to suspect that a secret Nazi bio weapon could be the cause. Normally I would send in 077 to investigate but he's tied up on another mission, so the task falls to you, England's top criminal investigators._

HOLMES.

 _Fear not your Majesty,Watson and I will discover those responsible for the Metamorphosis, we'll depart for Berlin right away. Maybe just one more cup of that rather excellent tea._

The Present.

CUT TO:

EXT VENUS - JUNGLE - AIR CAVALRY LZ - DAY.

Harrington's squad have reached the Air Cavalry's position. Anti Grav attack craft are taking off and landing, off in the distance massive explosions erupt. Bruce points to a Air Cavalry Colonel directing operations.

"BRUCE".

 _Gort, Klaatu gort barada. Nicto, gort nicto barada._

HARRINGTON.

 _I don't suppose you speak Venusian do you Sparks?_

"SPARKS" HARRIS.

 _I could give it a go Sir, I seem to have a knack for picking up languages._

HARRINGTON.

 _I do believe he means that is the C.O._

The squad approach the Air Force man. Harrington salutes the senior officer. The Colonel returns the salute.

HARRINGTON.

 _Captain Harrington, Queens 21_ _st_ _Lancers. Had rather a spot of bother with the transport old man, our ship crashed and we need to get back into orbit to complete our mission. We ran into an Australian fellow who said you might be able to help us out?_

AIR CAVALRY COLONEL.

 _Colonel Killgore 182_ _nd_ _Air Cavalry. I don't think that should be a problem son, soon as we've "Pacified" this village of native enemy collaborators._

A massive explosion of flame erupts not far from the L.Z.

COLONEL KILLGORE.

 _I love the smell of Trimetronapthabenzeneduonitroglyceride in the morning, smells like…. victory_

Kiillgore recognises one of Harrington's men _._

COLONEL KILLGORE.

 _Say, I know you, you're "Chopper" Thompson. Skysurfing champion, 1910, 1911 and 1914. How would you like to surf this "beach" Chopper? See how the wind coming off the mountain breaks both ways?_

"GUNNER" THOMPSON.

 _It looks like a good run sir, but I don't have a hoverboard with me and pardon me for saying so but isn't it a bit dangerous?_

COLONEL KILLGORE.

 _If I say it's safe to surf this L.Z. son it's safe to surf this L.Z._

HARRINGTON.

 _All the same old man we really need to be getting on with the mission, if you would be so good as to provide us with a ship, we'll be on our way._

COLONEL KILLGORE.

 _Will do. Charlie Xray one I need you to ferry some pommies into orbit. Good luck on your mission Captain._

The Anti Grav attack craft lands and Harrington's squad begin to board. For a moment "Bruce" and Harrington are alone.

At that moment "Bruce" springs to attention and salutes Captain Harrington.

"BRUCE"

 _Lance Corporal James Solly reporting SIR. Test subject number one in the A.V.I.R.T.A.R. infiltration project. I couldn't reveal myself to the Aussies sir as the program is top secret._

HARRINGTON.

 _Jolly good old chap, Well lad's let's get on with the mission._

At that moment a patrol of Japanese soldiers appear at the edge of the clearing and begin firing at the attack ship.

HARRINGTON.

 _Looks like you're coming with us Corporal, into the ship._

Bruce and Harrington run into the scout ship and the hatch closes behind them. Positron disruptor beams strike the ship's hull, leaving blackened scorch marks. The ship's engines ignite and the small ship blasts into the Venusian atmosphere.

CUT TO:

INT. COMMAND SHIP VALKYIRE - NAZI INVASION FLEET - VENUS ORBIT.

The Cyberfuhrer is directing battle operations and stroking a white cat. Telescreens all over the bridge depict different scenes from the Invasion, which is proceeding according to plan. Nazi communications officers bark orders into microphones, communicating the Cyberfuhrer's orders to ground forces. Telescreens display allied positions and Nazi forces, the allies are slowly being pushed back and must reconsolidate their defensive positions, they are fighting a rearguard action, it appears as though the axis invasion will succeed.


	6. Chapter 6

The Present.

INT. THE QUEEN'S AUDIENCE CHAMBER - BUCKINGHAM PALACE - LONDON.

The Queen is watching the Telescreen. As before she is constantly changing channels with the Remote Switching Device.

TELESCREEN V.O.

 _Welcome back to the 75th Annual Famine Sports, First into the Arena is last years victor Katnipss Neverbeen, attired in a spectacular flaming costume...wait a minute, I've just received word from the Arena, The Girl on Fire is really on fire._ Games technicians douse the unfortunate athlete with fire extinguishers... _CLICK Tonight on Eye TV it's William Shakespeare's new sitcom Friends...and Romans...CLICK Now let's crossover to Wembley Rollerball Arena for an exclusive Live Interview with Houston Rollerball Champ, Jonathan E. ...CLICK_ (The screen goes black).

The Queen throws the Remote Switching Device to the floor in disgust.

QUEEN VICTORIA.

 _Blasted device, One only wished to view the latest episode of Neighbours._

ROYAL USHER.

 _Your Majesty, Sir Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson._

The detectives pay obeisance to the Queen. She summons Tea and chairs.

QUEEN VICTORIA.

 _Now gentlemen, what have your investigations uncovered?_

SHERLOCK HOLMES.

 _Your Majesty I at first suspected a fiendish conspiracy involving the dastardly Professor Moriarty, The League of Red Headed Gentlemen and the Church of Scientilegical Omni Diametrics, possibly involving a very large, demonic Canine. But this turned out to be a rather clever attempt at diverting our attention from the real culprits as Watson will now explain._

WATSON.

 _Ah.. yes your Majesty, Quite. After.. er.. Holmes discounted this.. Ah.. brilliant attempt at... "subterfuge"... I...er...he discovered that the philosopher chaps in question had all travelled in secret to the Jupiter Research Facility and were present at the time the Alien signal was received in 1915. They took passage there and back on a Jupiter Mining Corporation vessel the White Giant. Holmes also discovered some evidence pointing toward Venus. I...er...he believe that is where we shall pursue the next phase of the invetsigation._

QUEEN VICTORIA.

 _Isn't that a bit dangerous with the war and all?_

HOLMES.

 _Danger be dashed your Majesty, in pursuit of the truth and the defence of the Empire, Watson and I must tread where eagles dare._

QUEEN VICTORIA.

 _Very well, I will arrange for your passage and Army escort with Brigadier General Hornblower. Godspeed gentlemen._

The two detectives bow to the Queen and leave.

CUT TO:

INT. AIR CAVALRY ANTI GRAV ATTACK CRAFT - VENUS ORBIT.

Harrington is talking to the Pilot.

HARRINGTON.

 _The pickle is old chap, we have to infiltrate the Nazi command ship. Unfortunately the captured Nazi scout ship we were using crashed. Any suggestions on how we can get close enough to the Valkyrie in an allied vessel without being blown out of the sky?_

AIR CAVALRY PILOT.

 _Hell Captain that aint gonna be a problem at all. Tesla knocked up this little gizmo for us called a Cloaking Device, we can sneak right up to their front door. Sit back and enjoy the ride, boys._

The pilot flicks some switches on the console and an electrical hum rises in pitch until it is inaudible.

CUT TO:

EXT. SPACE - VENUS ORBIT.

The Anti Grav attack craft seems to shimmer for a minute and suddenly it vanishes. Stars can be seen where the attack craft was, but if you look closely you can see them being distorted by the light refracting Cloaking Device. The ship sets course for the Nazi invasion fleet.


End file.
